Eva Speakman

HAVING MY CAR STOLEN WAS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME!

Like Nik, I was very well provided for. My parents were very generous and I wanted for nothing. I was the youngest and was without doubt spoilt. Being spoiled was compounded by the fact that I was a sickly child, and suffered with eczema, and at the age of 8, I suffered kidney failure and spent many weeks in hospital and many months out of school.

We always had a warm home, delicious food (as my mum was a spectacular cook), clothes, toys and plenty of pocket money. I spoke very little English when I started school. My first language was Polish, and therefore I was never considered one of the brightest at Junior school. I often lagged behind. My dad was big on us being well-dressed and well-educated. I therefore went to an all-girls, private Catholic convent school, which was a quiet and lonely existence.

In school, I was very shy and introverted and was quite a loaner, which intensified when my best friend moved away at the age of 6yrs old. I spent most play times alone with my great imagination. A tree in the playground would transform in to a rocket and provided many happy hours of make believe as it would take me to lands made of candy, with lemonade rivers and chocolate trees!

Although my parents loved one another, they had a very volatile relationship, and shouting and aggression occurred frequently in the family home. Their loud arguments pained me greatly throughout my childhood. It also made me nervous about inviting friends over, as I had portrayed that I came from a peaceful home. Being of Eastern European descent, alcohol was a major part of our family life. Like a cancer that refused to leave, it hung over our home life like a putrid stench of rot! Alcohol was always the instigator of the pain, fear, emotional turmoil and aggression. The great news was that positivity can be extracted from every negative situation and my home life taught me that peace, harmony, love, energy and joy were all ‘definites‘ on my life Goal List!
I learned exactly what I didn’t want from my life, and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I would never be a prisoner of alcohol, or any other drug for that matter.

From an early age I knew that I wanted to make a positive difference and to help people, although I was not quite sure how. My childhood ambition was to be a teacher, actress or even a missionary. This last one may sound corny, but it seemed like a great means to not only teach children in a third world, but to utilise my love of theatre by singing and dancing with the children. Plus going to Africa or Papua New Guinea was a great way of escaping at the same time! However, the thought of leaving my mum, and my lack of self-confidence prevented me from taking the next step in this area.

Another memorable experience I endured (although I tried to forget it at the time) was emotional and physical bullying from a close family member. This started when I was teenie weenie and continued into adulthood. I must add that there were good periods and bad and although the physical bullying stopped in my late teens, the emotional bullying continued until Nik helped to give me the strength to slam that door shut and use the experience to help others. Life Coaching has taught me that it is totally okay to cut ties with people who hurt you, belittle you, drag you down or make you feel inadequate in any way at all, EVEN IF THEY ARE FAMILY.
This had always been against my parental conditioning and was thus a very difficult step.

Most victims of bullying or domestic abuse are kind and benevolent people who wish to see the good in everyone and so they eagerly accept apologies with the belief those things will never happen again. Furthermore, victims are made to feel weak and inadequate and start believing they deserve this punishment. However believe me, no one deserves to be hurt or belittled emotionally or physically in any way, EVER.

Senior school was a huge turning point in my life and was a tremendous experience! My parents had arranged private tuition for me in my latter years of Junior school so I had just started to feel academically more confident. The day I walked in to my new Senior school (where only two other girls had joined with me from my junior school) I decided this was a new episode that had not yet been written and decided there and then that I would create the content of the unfolding chapters of my life. I decided that I would no longer be seen as the lagger in lessons, or the shy kid on her own in the play ground. This was the day my line of “WORLD I’M HERE” was born!

I was consistently top of the class, I studied hard and achieved! I joined the drama group and choir and was a main character in every school play, musical and pantomime! I was always at my happiest when on the stage or during exams. At these times nothing mattered and I was sitting pretty on top of planet Eva, exuding sparkle! During my Senior school years, I had great encouragement from a truly magnificent teacher who made an impact on me in more ways than he’ll ever know.

It was Mr. John Keating my English and drama teacher who inspired and encouraged me to shine on stage and in class. He made me feel I could do anything with my life. He demonstrated to me and the class, that it was humanly possible to be vibrant, energetic and happy! Also, from being very poor in English, this man helped me to achieve the second highest mark possible in my English language and English Literature exams. Mr. Keating was convinced I should be a performer on TV and suggested to my mother that I should have professional singing and drama lessons. Although she was flattered to think her daughter might have talent and would often boast about my capabilities, she never took me and did not know how to go about finding a professional private tutor. When I told her I wanted to be a TV presenter she was thrilled but would often remind me that it wasn’t easy to do, and therefore would say, “How are you going to do that then?” and advised me to stick to being a teacher. When I look back, I realise I have a lot to thank Mr. Keating for, because his belief in me has given me the confidence to face the cameras today.

The down side to Senior school was that I was bullied by a group of girls who would call me fat and ugly. They often threatened to hurt me on my way home from school. I dreaded that journey. Thankfully a couple of great school friends and neighbours, Jason and Neil would often walk with me, which unbeknown to them, was my ticket home without the fear of a beating. However, this resulted in the bullies labelling me a slut. This was the worst thing anyone could ever say as my moral values were very important to me.

I now know that these bullies were self-conscious, idle, self loathing, under achievers, who like every other bully, can not stand anyone being above them mentally or physically. A bully would much rather knock other people down below their level than put the effort in to build themselves up. It was ironic that on the week the second season of our hit TV show was being aired, I walked through a shopping mall and past the leader of this pack of school bullies. She was sitting on a bench wearing the apron and name badge of the local store at which she now worked. She had a bad posture, bitten finger nails, tatty hair and was dragging on her cigarette like it was the only light in her life. I wonder how much happier she would have been today had she chosen to join me on my trip to achievement as opposed to her chosen pastime of demolishing the confidence of those around her!

After Senior school, despite my ambitions to become a missionary or an actress I decided to listen to my mother and do as she suggested and go to university to study French. But before that, I took a year out to study health and beauty at college for what I thought would be a bit of an academic relief. Instead, I found myself really enjoying the course, so my career goal took a different direction.

To fund my studies I took a part-time job at a local building society estate agent selling houses and arranging mortgages. After a couple of years, (by which time I had got my beauty therapist’s diploma) I was head-hunted by one of the bank managers who asked me if I would be interested in accepting the position of regional sales representative. It was a fantastic opportunity, a high-powered position with a company car and lots of benefits too. I knew the position was well above what I was capable of at that moment, but I also knew that anything was possible. In fact, at the interview I believed in myself so much that I was able to convey with energy and confidence that I would be a knockout at the job!

My knees momentarily turned to jelly though, when I was given a target in year one of £4 million pounds sterling of mortgage lending. Yet I managed to hit and surpass this and was consequently given a £10 million target in year two and £19 million in year three! All targets were hit and exceeded. I felt invincible! I had a great job, great income and a great future.

I remember telling my then boyfriend with pride and enthusiasm that my goals and dreams were beginning to come true and that by the age of 30 I wouldn’t have to work any more unless I wanted to! Big Mistake! He didn’t want to grow with me, or with anyone else for that matter. He opted on damaging my beautifully forming roots and smashing my dreams by beating me to the point of hospitalisation on more than one occasion. He also offered me constant recitations of how useless and pathetic I was. It’s amazing how when you’re told something enough times you start to believe it. “You’re pathetic; who do you think you are? Your head’s in the clouds,” he would shout.

This experience taught me not to expect anyone to understand or support my self belief. It was mine and I had to hold on to it and protect it. I have learnt that people who stamp on your dreams do so because they are inadequate themselves and feel threatened by them. It takes hard work, courage and determination to be successful and they don’t want to make the effort. They then have a choice: to attack themselves for being lazy and scared, or to attack you for being successful. Of course, they choose the latter! I also became aware that any man that I met would have to share the same kind of self belief and drive. As fate would have it, I was destined to meet my life partner quite soon afterwards. One day an angel arranged for my car to be stolen on a cold dark winter’s evening in a secluded, dark and scary car park.
Wow what a wonderful day that was!

My manager was unable to keep a business appointment and I was sent in his place to meet a financial adviser and business proprietor Nik Speakman. Aged 21, with an array of blonde curls, high heels and briefcase in hand, my first instincts were that Nik was very businesslike and matter of fact. But following lunch I knew I had found a kindred spirit! He had vision; he wanted to help others and applauded other people’s success, which was remarkable. I had only ever come across emotional demolishers, not builders and applauders.

Nik had a vision of the future and not many people have that. After lunch, we went back to the office only to find my car had been stolen. I was mortified. Nik was lovely. He made me sweet tea, reassured me, then called my dad and the police. Even though he was within hours of jetting off to the United States (and still hadn’t packed), he insisted on driving me home. He was my knight in shining armour. Now I look back and think having my car stolen was one of the best things that could have happened!

When we did get romantically involved, from the first kiss which was electrifying, I knew I would spend the rest of my life with Nik. We moulded together instantly into one bright and eternal energy. Oddly enough, now we were together, our determination to succeed in life seemed to annoy people even more! Not only did we have successful careers, we also had the most wonderful, mutually respectful and supportive relationship.

We were known as ‘Paul & Linda‘ after the McCartneys who had one of the closest partnerships ever. They said we weren’t normal because we were so deliriously in love. On the other hand, Nik’s friends would say “I’m looking for an Eva,” and some of my friends would say “I’m looking for a Nik.” It was good to think that they were inspired by us and saw that it is possible to find a true soul mate.

Nik and I lived together for five years. Marriage never seemed necessary and therefore it had never crossed my mind. Then one night, after I had fallen asleep following a very late party, Nik woke me up, went down on one knee and proposed armed with a beautiful diamond ring. With my frizzy slept on hair, bad breath and bloodshot eyes, I realised this guy must really love me! (But I knew when my car had been stolen it was to make way for cupid who had travelled in on a magnificent chariot with Nik, my Prince Charming at the helm!)

We got married when I was 26 and Nik was 33. With our combined experience in finance, our businesses were flourishing. At about this time we had also discovered exercising together and had begun looking after ourselves properly. Before I met Nik I had been a heavy smoker, overweight and far from fit. In fact, in my younger days I worked in a bar where I would beat the men at the yard-of-ale drinking competition! But once I had found Nik, I stopped smoking completely and changed my diet by cutting out anything acidifying or toxic.
The effects were amazing!
I had masses of energy, sparks were flying off! I also started exercising and discovered the magic of feeling truly awesomely fit!

During my beauty therapy course I had started to work towards qualifications in nutrition and sport. I did this over a three-year period and then continued in America with Nik, thanks to a dear friend in Florida who owned a health club. When we returned to the UK we decided to branch out and open a health club ourselves in a converted derelict church that we converted.

As Life Coaches, we are living proof that the power of belief, the magic of goal setting & pure determination can take you anywhere you want to go. Despite the problems we suffered when we were younger, despite our unhealthy lifestyles and despite Nik’s severe illnesses, we have totally redesigned the way we live, the way we look and how we feel.
All we did was write down a list of goals and, make up our minds why they were important to us and then how we were to achieve them.

Now Nik and I live in what I can only describe as the house of our dreams. We have two fantastic, beautiful children, Olivia and Hunter, and can afford to treat ourselves to the finer things in life (for me, that’s designer shoes and for Nik it’s exotic sports cars!) Best of all, we’ve got the most fantastic, brilliant, amazing job in the world: we help people find their dreams and get rid of the psychological obstacles that are getting in their way!

Every day clients come to us and open up their hearts in a way they may never do even with members of their own family. Such trust is not given lightly and we respect and appreciate everyone who comes to us for help. For me, it’s often very emotional to see the differences in someone who comes in burdened by problems and leaves feeling lightened and positive with a great big smile on their face! There is no better job than changing people’s lives and we are so proud and privileged to have been given that opportunity. It is also gratifying to know that my personal adversities can be used to strengthen and heal others.

Although I had a lot of love and many happy times during childhood and I was materially blessed. Domestic abuse, people very close to me breaking the law (and being imprisoned), alcoholism, violence, bullying, rape and sexual abuse have all played a part in my life. I am not sharing this with you now to gain sympathy as I am totally okay with everything.

My only reason for sharing this is everyone should appreciate that NOTHING should hold you back: THE PAST IS HISTORY FIRMLY GONE. I hope to be a living example of the theory that anything really is possible no matter what adversities stand in your way.